just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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