dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It was like getting head from an anaconda
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
