I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
