I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
