i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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