He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
