"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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