ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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