I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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