hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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