Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You made out with two different species that night
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
