How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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