i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
