I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
