So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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