also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
