non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
