I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
