He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
