She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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