So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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