There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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