woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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