Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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