I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
