I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
