Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
