(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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