I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
