So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
