first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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