The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
