Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
