Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
