Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
