Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
