there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
