Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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