Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
