I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize