Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
