I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
