ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
