the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
