Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
