Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
