I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
