Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
