8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize