You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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