He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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