That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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