dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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