every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
