i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
