no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This baby is an asshole
foreskin is a definite game changer
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
