you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize