okay pat passed out under dana's car
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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