i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The uberlube is also flammable
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
