peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
