Redeem this text for a blowjob
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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