I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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