You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
