I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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