Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
