Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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